You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
there is glitter all over my balls
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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