How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
