yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just cropdusted the office
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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