You're completely useless in the revolution.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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