I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
