I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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