Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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