I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
