i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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