I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say