apparently the secret to your success is patron
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube