I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.