Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?