it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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