ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?