How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
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All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
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Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.