sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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