It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
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Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie