why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
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Well now I have my semen on her headphones
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
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I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.