My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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