Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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