i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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