im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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