i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
