Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
