So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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