i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
