Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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