The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
