I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
