If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
