There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
