soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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