It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize