He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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