I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
