Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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