I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
