I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
