How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
