I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
