we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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