She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I will be naked everywhere
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
