I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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