i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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