Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so that wasnt chicken after all
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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