You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
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There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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