Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
