you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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