Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
