need another drink. this is the easiest way
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
