Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
