Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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