Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
