I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
