oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
