scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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