Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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