he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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