I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
