How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I should be sponsored by Trojan
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
