The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
